What can I say about this time of year. Six years and counting. Am I pissed, depressed, emotional and physically drained? Hell yes!!!! So many times trying to take off the boxing gloves that I think were on my hands since the day I was born. I’m so ready to hang them up in the closet. Yet feeling the strings getting tighter around my wrists. Someone saying….You can’t give up, go back in the ring and fight. Getting another sniff of smelling salt, with a dazed feeling but pushing through each round.
When does a fighter give up? NEVER, if it’s in your blood. I pray every night that I can be a spectator but unfortunately I’m, rather we are the head line fighters. Every day is a fight for someone who suffered a traumatic brain injury. Getting punched around!!! Whether not having handicap accessibility, getting discharged from therapy, not enough funds, and living with all the obstacles at home. The disappointments, emotional stress, anger, fatigue, physical and mental pain that goes on throughout each day.
How do you give up? A job you hate…..you quit. A relationship that goes sour…..you move on. A marriage that has failed…..a divorce. What do you do when you love your child so much? Yet being helpless and not being able to make things better.
So many times people voice their opinions or suggestions to us with the recovery with Mike. Yet never having any experience with someone who suffered a traumatic brain injury. Many times I want to yell….”I raised children!!! who turned out to be pretty damn good kids”. There is no psychology, teaching, punishment, or reasoning at times for someone who suffered a TBI. You start to question your own self being. I’m failing…..then you feel those boxing gloves get tighter.
I, rather we don’t know each strategy for each fight but we try to continue to battle each round with force, pride and winning attitude. I wish I knew the outcome for this fight but its out of my hands. I pray to God every night for the answers. But, as of now he’s letting us learn the ropes. We’d rather struggle each day to put those gloves on (as tight as they are) to win the title. “WE SURVIVED “.
Many days we live through guilt to be able to do the things we do on a daily basis that people with disabilities can not. Mike, you being one of them. A learning experience for sure. So much more for our society to learn, create, and accept those with disabilities.
Michael, it’s hard for me to say Happy Anniversary. Happy Reborn Birthday, or whatever other people say. I miss who you were, I grasp to learn who you are, and I long to love who you will be. Tighten those boxing gloves because we are still in for a long fight.